Talented actress Antonia Prebble has been gracing the small screen from the age of 12. Best known for her role as Loretta West in Outrageous Fortune, Antonia strives to find balance between acting, her studies, passion for fashion and quest for animal justice. At just 27, Antonia is looking forward to throwing a big party when she turns 30!
THE BEGINNING OF THE END, THE END OF THE BEGINNING, OR, PERHAPS, JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE OF THE SAME?
When I was younger, 30 seemed really old. It was an age owned by grown-ups, by people who were confident and cool and who had life all worked out. I was intimidated by them. I felt they could see right through to my immature, naïve soul.
I always felt that in order to connect with them, I had to put on some sort of older, more sophisticated persona because my actual self would be considered silly and inadequate. I felt so different from 30 year-olds that to me they actually seemed like a different species. As if, at the precise moment that they blew out their 30th candle, they suddenly and magically morphed into this new, all powerful being: The Adult. All the folly and anxiety of youth was shed like a lizard’s skin and they were now able to walk the earth confident in the knowledge that they were right about absolutely everything.
Well, that’s how I felt a few years ago. I am pleased and relieved to report that my thoughts have changed somewhat in the intervening years. Now that I am ‘not-too-many-candles’ away from said event myself, I realize of course, that turning 30 does not involve any kind of magical rebirth or physical transformation. However, on a psychological level, I do think that, at least to some extent, my girlish neuroses were tapping into a very real issue – I just got it the wrong way round. There I was panicking because I thought that 30 year-olds had it all, I didn’t measure up when, in reality, I now know that many 30 year-olds worry and beat themselves up because, well, they don’t have it all.
I have a lot of friends who are 30 and older and many of them have spoken to me about how they approached this milestone with a feeling just short of dread. This is because there is a socially constructed belief that ‘30’ represents the end of one’s youth and the beginning of a life more ordinary, more settled – more grown up.
And there is a further issue, for as well as not liking the idea that they might have to start going to bed earlier and drink less wine, there seems to be a set of cultural standards or expectations that are attached to the word “grown up”, and therefore the age 30, that are hugely difficult to live up to.
While the values and objectives of one’s twenties are focused on process, one’s thirties seem to be more concerned with product. It is perfectly acceptable to drift between various jobs/tertiary/institutions/ countries/relationships in your twenties because such drifting is conducive to the ultimate goal of finding oneself.
But by the time you reach 30 you are not only expected to have found it, but also to be doing it awesomely.
My friends told me that they felt inadequate because they did not have the money, the assets, the upwardly mobile career or the fulfilling relationship that they felt they should have now that they were deemed a proper, actual adult.
I think it is a shame that there is this perceived pressure to measure up to such general, conventional ideals when, for many people, they are not only unattainable but also often irrelevant. Without wanting to sound like a self-help book (but knowing that I absolutely do), we are all on our own, unique journey through life and our goals and expectations should reflect this diversity. While I think that milestones such as turning 30 can be a good time to do some reflecting and evaluating, it is only helpful if it is done on a personal level, based on our own ideas of who we are and who we want to be, and not according to what we think society judges as worthy.
On a more positive note, almost all of these same friends have also told me that once they got over this perceived social judgment and just continued to live life in alignment with their instincts, they find their thirties to be incredibly rewarding. They are in fact, happier in their thirties than in their twenties.
In regards to my own approach to 30, I am looking forward to a continuing deepening of confidence, self-assuredness clarity, all of which come from simply spending more time with myself. I want to have a big party in order to celebrate who I am and who I have been and, perhaps to refocus on who I want to be. And I know one thing for sure, there will definitely be lots of bubbles to toast this!
I think you are an amazing young woman Antonia – we need more role models like you. I have 5 children and are now in my 40′s, single and I love it! I may not have done all the things I dreamed of or became what I thought I would, but I realise now I was not reaching high enough for what was truely important. I have an amazing family, my eldest is 23 and a Nurtritionist, my only son is 21 and training to be a policeman, my 17 year old is 7 months pregnant, and although I did not plan this for her, she has so much support, that with our love she will be an amazing Mum and can be anything she wants. My youngest two are 15 and 13 and beautiful young girls. So I may not have become all I dreamed, instead I became a happy, healthy Mother to 5 fantastic kids. I lead by example, obtaining my first degree at aged 33 with five young children, and have been there for them every step of the way. How can anyone want to achieve greater than this – there is no greater. Now at 44, on my own, no longer with my husband and raising my children, yes even the 23 year old from time to time, although not living with me, I guess as a Mum you never stop raising your kids. Reach for the stars – your 30′s are just the beginning of the years where you discover what true success is. And Lindauer – you still remain my favourite treat!!
Antonia you have been blessed with immense talent and I raise my glass of Lindauer to you..